Reflections on raising boys

I know, that long before gun powder was invented, there were little boys running around with sticks, pointing them and making little shooting sounds.


I know that my living room was once a battle ground and a construction zone all because of Legos and Play Mobile.


I know my dad used to mistakenly tell people that we bought the boys Playboys rather than Gameboys. Should have just stuck with calling them Nintendos. That would have been easier but not as much to laugh about.


I know that there is nothing like a surgical clamp to remove a lego or popcorn out of a boy's nostril.


I know one of the saddest and funniest things was when a Binky was inadvertently lost down the toilet when one was watching his brother's poo flush.


I know potty training was a snap after I invented potty dollars as rewards.


I know that you truly hear about the love that a son has for his mother a block away when he thinks he is dying from disobediently tasting golf course fertilizer.


I know that there is such a thing called 'the corn diaper', and you wonder why you feed a child something that never fully digests.


I know what it's like to play hide and seek with someone who gets distracted and forgets to find you.


I know what it's like to hate the Potty Song from the video.


I know what it's like to listen to your toddler recite the alphabet listening to Sesame Street at 6 a.m.


I know what it's like to have memorized Dr. Suess' The Foot Book, Fox in Socks, One Fish Two Fish, and Mr. Brown Can Moo.


I know what it's like to watch your father in his backswing on the golf course when your toddler spies his grandfather and yells "PA!!"


I know there is nothing as cute as a sleeping child.


I know what it's like to be in the bathroom for 10 minutes and come out to a house full of Spider Man Web (Silly String) covering everything from ceiling to floor, and four empty cans.


I know that a toddler can run the length of the house in one minute, making a pencil mark on the walls 150 feet long while Grandma is not watching.


I know what it's like to witness your spouse taking vomit in the face as he rushes a sick boy to the bathroom at Cici's pizza, with all the manuevers of a military genius, finding the quickest way to get there, wash shirts and go.


I know that sometimes it's more fun to collect the toys in the kids meals than the actual value of the meal itself.


I know what it's like to memorize all the favorite lines of CatScratch and Sponge Bob.


I know what it's like to lay a mile of wooden train track.


I know that fire ants are called that for a reason.


I know that Pampers for 2 year olds can be used as a flight helmet for aspiring Star Wars X-Wing pilots.


I know that when a grandpa says 'we're picking up chicks', that does not mean picking up chickens as reported to the golf pro.


I know what it's like to read aloud the whole Chronicles of Narnia, Series of Unfortunate Events, Garth Nix' series, and numerous other volumes at night before bedtime.


I know what it's like to chase after a golf ball after a 3 year old has taken a full swing on one at a miniature golf place and be glad it didn't hit anyone else.


I know what is an exhaustive event that takes one parent, one grandparent, and one photographer to take photos of two boys that would rather just have fun with each other.


I know what it is like for a son to have his dad read the NASCAR race schedule so that he can get the right cars out on his track on the coffee table for race day.


I know what it's like to make sure that all 50 or so Thomas the train engines are facing the other way on their shelves above the bed of a child who doesn't want to see their eyes when he's trying to go to sleep.


I know what a major crash catastrophe looks like on a play table involving the demise of Star Wars action figures, Rokenbok vehicles, Thomas train engines and accessories.


I know that it's not really a family car until you've lost at least a dozen french fries under the seat and have a sippy cup spill.


I know that sometimes it's not worth opening up the month long lost sippy cup to salvage it in the dishwasher.